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S05E04: The Gang Remembers They're Rich
Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy you a fort full of mercenaries. Nissa turns a horse into a chicken. Carlos rejoins the mercenaries in the fort and spreads word the boss has been arrested. Averlyth, Nissa, and Um arrest the alchemist on his daily horse ride, and then confront the mercenaries in the fort. Carlos convinces the mercenaries to switch sides by paying them to watch the fort until the Drakeguard arrives to distribute the cure. The gang heads back to base, where they level up their magic items and accept their next assignment. Storyline The group tries to figure out what our goal is here - are we trying to fight the whole fort? Are we trying to arrest the alchemist? Are we trying to bring the cure to the victims of the disease? We contemplate how many people we can beat up at a time. Averlyth remembers that we haven’t actually revealed anything about what we know or who we are, so Carlos could walk into the fort as if he had completed his job fine. Nissa points out that we have seen the alchemist going on morning rides on his horse alone, so we could consider ambushing him and delivering him to the field office (while in doubt of where or how to arrest someone). Um questions what could happen in the 4 days we’d be absent from the fort, and then Nissa notes that she suspects the alchemist is really the only one that knows what was going on (and that the others are only really just there for the paycheck). So Carlos proposes telling everyone that the paychecks are gone after he “witnessed Taldic getting arrested”, Nissa proposes buying them off to continue guarding the fort so we can properly disperse the cure to the people. The group has decided to have Carlos on the inside, then Nissa, Averlyth and Um will capture and arrest the alchemist when he’s on one of his rides, alone and unescorted. Carlos’s story would be that Talldic got arrested, and Kanye with him. Carlos in the Fort Carlos walks in to Fort Morninglord alone. The guard asks him how it went. Carlos spins the story about how he went out for a smoke while meeting the boss and then the police showed up. Carlos says he’s a bit worried about what’s going on, as well as whether or not he’ll get paid, says he’ll have to dip if anything suspicious happens. The guard believes him and says he understands, says they hadn’t gotten paid in a week, and tells him to go get some stew. Carlos goes to the mess hall and then talks about the story a few more times. The guys there are believing him; they’re used to being screwed over. Chasing down the Alchemist Nissa is very excited to try and polymorph something. Um, Averlyth and Nissa rush over to the alchemist and horse at 11AM with a plan to jump him, and then Nissa yells out “MURDERER!” and accidentally polymorphs the alchemist's horse into a chicken instead. Um and Averlyth have a brief moment where they can’t figure out how exactly to subdue someone without killing them, and then Um goes over and stabs the dude in the leg. The alchemist howls in pain. Averlyth tries to cast hold person on him, but he shrugs it off, still very unhappy. The alchemist curses, pulls the dagger out of his leg, and then starts muttering some wizardspeak to seal the wound on his leg, and then a ripple of energy appear over him. Averlyth recognizes it as magearmor. Um stabs him in the general body area. The alchemist howls again, going “ARGHH STOP THAT.” Nissa calms the alchemists emotions. He’s looking around very confused. Averlyth walks over between him and the fort, trying to get his attention. Nissa tries to convince him to come quietly, though it doesn’t work and he starts looking for a way out. Before he can run, Um knocks him to the ground; Um goes to grapple him, but the alchemist is scrabbling out of it, getting ready to stand up. Nissa slows him; Averlyth tries to grapple him as well, but he is able to crawl away. It’s probably because it’s raining and it’s all muddy and the guy is gross. The alchemist mutters something and then he’s disappeared - turns out he’s now invisible, though we can still see muddy footsteps and hear noises. Um goes to swing a sword at where he was, but doesn’t make contact. Nissa farts in her hand and waves it over to the area where the alchemist is…. which is also where Um and Averlyth are. Averlyth spends the next 6 seconds unable to really do anything other than focus on not puking. The alchemist retches for 6 seconds. Um is full on puking. Nissa whispers a song about how proud she is about her bad gas, dealing psychic damage to the alchemist. Averlyth, the alchemist, and Um are all still damaged by the gas cloud. Nissa tried to tell a joke about her farts, but the alchemist strongly disliked it and it did nothing. Averlyth tried to get up, but then caught a fresh whiff and was incapacitated for a few seconds again. The alchemist continues puking, while Um successfully picks himself up and goes to swing at him again with his sword and dagger. The alchemist yells “GODDAMMIT I-I-I give up! I’m done!”. Taking the Fort The alchemist becomes visible again and we tie up his hands, and then the group walks over to the fort. Everyone sees us heading up, and Nissa yells “HEY!!!” as we walk up: “This man has been arrested for crimes against humanity! He’s been conspiring to ” Carlos nudges the guy next to him saying “See?? I told you this shit was going down.” Within the fort, all the guards have come out and are worried about what’s going down. Carlos manages to convince everyone that he can talk to “the police”, represent the group. We briefly discuss our story - the alchemist (gagged) starts making a lot of annoyed noises when he realizes that it’s only the four of us - and then Carlos goes back to the group, saying that the authorities were willing to work with the guards if they continue to guard the place, and if they arrest the boss if they show up. He completely convinces them that it’s a raise and good for their careers. Everyone is digging it, although then they ask when they’re getting paid. Carlos goes and grabs some gold from the “authorities” to pay the guards 5 gold now, 5 gold when we get back. To Baldur's Gate (again!) We give Doug the Thug a fartie talkie, tell the group he’s in the charge (“See? Someone’s already gotten promoted”), and then go to Baldur’s Gate where we turn over the evidence to the Chief Detective of the city. We give them Taldic’s address and enough info for them to arrest the alchemist on the spot. While we haven’t yet caught Taldic, he won’t be able to go back to his house anytime soon, and we’re freezing a lot of his assets. The group goes to the field office next, explaining the situation. While the field office doesn’t have much in the way of security personnel, they are able to step in and seize control over the fort and possibly even using Taldic’s company itself for the distribution. We go back to the fort to pay the remainder of the gold and to say goodbyes, and to also let them know that Carlos had “joined” us, and that we are leaving the fartie talkie with them. Carlos adds “mercenary contact” to the band fund - we may now contact Douglas Thuglas for hiring buddies for jobs. Back at the Drakeguard Neverwinter Field Office The group teleports back to the Neverwinter field office to debrief. Ms. Hamm seemed adequately satisfied. She had noted that this was a test and said we had passed, and passed us over to Q to level up our magical bracers. Each member of the group now may choose a power to cast once per day: * Nissa: "That's a good point, actually" - You or any ally automatically succeed on your next charisma check. * Um: "Sneaky fucker" - You may choose to gain +10 to your own stealth checks, or focus your efforts on helping your team, so you and all allies gain +5. Lasts for one hour. * Carlos: "Shake it off" - Grant yourself or any ally an immediate saving throw, healing surge (spend up to half their hit dice + Con), and action (without changing their initiative order). * Averlyth: "Director's shield" - The Director’s power shields you from all harm, or grants you and all your allies resistance to all damage types. Lasts until the end of your next turn. On the jobs board there are three new jobs: # Mysterious Drug: a new drug is sweeping through decadent cities, known for producing euphoria and terrifying nightmares. The Dragon Queen wants to know the origin of the drug. # Druid Attacks: the mayor of a small town is offering a reward for why the neighboring druid tribe has been sending wild animals to attack the town. # Extradition - a man offers powerful knowledge about a cult in return for help escaping their compound. The gang selected the second of these.